The Parenting Paradox

Give and take, push and pull, giving is receiving, to be or not to be, that is the question.  Our life is filled with dualities, things that seem contrary to each other but exist in the same time, experience, or situation.  To me, the dualities of life is like living in a paradox and parenting is the ultimate paradox.

My last post was February 11, 2012 and it was about the BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) that I had set for myself, with the Lord's prodding, to disciple my children.  I struggled and convinced myself that I was ill-equipped, then I started, then I stopped, then I started, then I stopped, then He urged again and again.  And now, I have begun and will share our journey with you, but first let's talk about living in paradox.

It is now early October of yet another school year and what that means is, yes, my kids are still going to school each day.  Which means that I made it through the first month of them leaving me, again.  I never want them to go back to school but I want them to learn and grow.  I don't want them to want to go to other people's houses, but I want them to live in community with others.  I don't want them to experience disappointment or loss, but I want them to have life experiences that shape their hearts.  I don't want them to ever get hurt but I want them to try new things and take responsible risks.  I, basically, don't want them to ever leave, but I am excited to see what God has in store for their lives.  In the end, as in the beginning, they are His, but it's the paradox that often bogs me down.

Parenting is a paradox...

Parenting is a series of small things that break your heart aligned with another series of things that touch your heart.  The challenge is enjoying your time with your kids, while developing and parenting their little hearts and skills in order for them to ultimately leave you.  Ugh.  What God had been reminding me all spring and has most recently continued to drill into my 'sometimes' thick head, is that He is the author of paradox.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9 Paul writes, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness,'"  and a little later, at the end of verse 10 in the same chapter he says, "For when I am weak, then I am strong."  What I love about God is that He is the ultimate paradox.  He repeatedly tells us in His word that in our weakness, He is strong.  So paradoxically, when we are weak, we will find our strength, in Him.  So when we submit to Him then we will find His intention for us.  Additionally, Jesus spoke in illustrations that were often times paradoxical and challenged the way the Jews and Gentiles of the day thought.

In Matthew 20 we find the parable of the vineyard workers.  In the parable, the vineyard owner hires workers at different times of the day and at the end of the day, he pays all workers the same, regardless of the time they worked in the vineyard.  "So the last will be first, and the first will be last."  (Matthew 20:16)  A challenge to the thinking of the day and current thinking for sure.  Then later in the same chapter Jesus' disciples argue about who will sit on His right in the kingdom of heaven and again He challenges their thinking by saying, "On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave."  (Matthew 20:26,27)  Later, He repeats himself after He has made the triumphant entry and the Pharisees are trying to confound Him.  "The greatest among you will be your servant.  Whoever exalts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."  Matthew 23:11,12

God is the author of paradox

Because God is the author of paradox, I know that in the push and pull of parenting, He has a plan.  One of my favorite verses, which I must remind myself of all the time is, " For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  (Matthew 6:21)  I know that the desire of my heart is to parent my children into the path God intends for their lives.  I also know He is in control and at least this one desire of mine lines up with His desire for my children.  I might have a couple other treasures in my heart that align with His but for now let's focus on this one.  Even when I feel weak and unable to disciple them, even when I fight against what He wants from me, even when I am crying in my bed because school has started again and I miss them, even in those moments, He is my strength for the journey.  In that I can rest and be strong.

By His Grace