Constant Reboot

We got a puppy for Christmas!  Wow, had I forgotten what that entails and, as true in all situations, God is good to illustrate my life and parenting through this little bundle of energy and razor sharp teeth.  Talk about self-control, puppies have none!  Our vet told us, "Positive training only, catch her doing behaviors that you want to encourage and reward her, teach her to sit for everything so she knows how she is supposed to act."  Well, you try that with an excited puppy who has been asleep most of the night and has energy to burn, mostly through the use of the previously mentioned razor sharp teeth.  Needless to say, my morning quiet time has not been so quiet, but God is good.

After the visit to the vet, we went full-focus on sit, with little treats each time and we are trying very hard not to yell or be negative with her.  Imagine trying that with a toddler in full-blown tantrum.  It is truly working but it takes such diligence, preparation and patience.  Just yesterday my husband sat on the floor with our little addition and soon enough she was crawling, jumping and nipping (which is a positive word for biting), all over him.  Give a puppy a little and they want everything, which demonstrates a serious lack of self-control.  In the midst of the craziness I decided to try my new tactic.  I walked up to the hysteria and in a calm voice said, "Sit".  Unbelievably the puppy stopped, sat and looked up at me.  My husband and I both laughed hysterically and are now calling the sit command a puppy reboot.

In our daily lives and in our kids' lives we are constantly challenged with things, food, toys, technology, and our self-control is always at risk.  The closer we are to God, the more often we hear his soft, calm, voice and we get a little reboot.  The more frequently that reboot happens, the closer we walk with Him.  The Lord is constantly trying to lead and shepherd us gently, but do we have enough self-control to hear him?  Isaiah 40:11 says, "He protects His flock like a shepherd, He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them in the fold of His garment.  He gently leads those that are nursing."  Don't you think it would take self-control to be carried in the folds of a garment?  But how safe does that sound  If only we could really use self-control to follow His commands moment by moment.

Through this puppy experience we are learning she has no boundaries until they are given to her and repeated constantly until they have sunk into her being.  Don't you find yourself repeating things with your kids, setting boundaries that you thought you had already set, but seem to be getting pushed once again?  And in our own walk with Christ, he has established boundaries in His Word that require self-control on our part through His strength which He reminds us of, gently through His Spirit.  A constant reboot even for us.

Our puppy needs constant direction and reminding, as do our children, as do we.  Titus 3:1-2 says, "Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to slander no one, to avoid fighting, and to be kind, always showing gentleness to all people."  In order to be ready for good works, we have to obey, and obedience takes self-control and a disciplined life.  Just as I have to teach our puppy to obey so she can be a 'good girl', I need to help my kids understand God's commands and how to obey those so they can be used by Him.

As we end this year and our time on the fruits of the spirit, may the focus we have had on them not end, but may it grow and deepen as our children grow in Christ.  May we as parents, gently lead and be reminded that we have been called to shape and grow these little ones to find the path God has for them.  Building takes a long time and it is a journey.  It takes focus and looking at the plan provided in God's Word.  It takes time for reflection, listening and intention toward the things God has outlined for us.  Rome was not built in a day, but it did get built.  "The whole building, being put together by Him, grows into a holy sanctuary in the Lord.  You also are being built together for God's dwelling in the Spirit."  Ephesians 2:21-22

We are being built and helping to build our children to grow into a holy sanctuary; people who love God and walk in His path on a journey to somewhere.  The closer they are to God the more they will hear His reboot and will enjoy the peace of abiding in Him.  I encourage you to be intentional in your parenting, but this is not the end of Imagine Parenting.  Join me in the new year as I intentionally disciple my children through the wonderful stories in the bible and encouraging them through scripture and God's word so that, ultimately, they find their own journey to somewhere with God as their center.  See you in 2012!

By His Grace

Meet Hula!

Gravitational Pull

The book of 2 John is a small 'postcard'.  It was written to a woman and references her children.  It will take you about 3 minutes to read, but holds huge ideas.  The woman could be a mother or she could also be a leader in a church and her children are the members.  I like to think it was a mother trying to equip her children in the truth and John, who was one of Jesus' disciples, one of the sons of fire (James and John), regarded her enough to send her a letter of encouragement and reminder.  Because we mothers all need that sometimes.

2 John verses 5-6 says, "And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning.  I ask that we love one another.  And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love." 
What is love?  To John love was not a sweet, sentimental affection for another person that warmed his insides or gave him butterflies, it was, as my study bible said, an 'ethical expectation'.  This is what I have been trying, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, for the last seven months to plant in my children.  That love is an action, a decision, a change in behavior.  To do that we have used the fruit of the spirit as supporting actions that fall under the umbrellas of love actions, which really are an ethical expectation.  And trust me when I say, I expect love actions from my kids, but that doesn't mean I always see them (just last week Emma had to make an apology phone call), but that is where grace comes in.

The word in 2 John verse 6 that sticks out to me is obedience.  And as believers what are we to be obedient to?  Well, in 2 John verse 9, John reminds us.  "Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son."  My whole motivation for parenting shifted about a year ago and what I want my kids to know is Christ and his word.  To gain knowledge of Christ, we must be obedient, and to me obedience is self-control.  Are you with me so far?

You can only be obedient to something you know and understand.  It is like wanting to know the rules before you play a game.  And our kids need to know his word before they can be successful in the life he has planned for them.  Our children have been chosen by God and Jesus died for each of them.. We say that often, but do we understand the gravity of it?  1 John 4:10 says, "This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us, and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."  Love, again, is an ethical expectation in response to the knowledge of what God did by sending his son and what Jesus did by enduring the cross.  1 Peter 1:2 says,"...who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood...".  Our children have been chosen for a journey with God, to be in covenant relationship with him provided by the blood of Christ and that relationship should be characterized by obedience to his teachings, his word, the ultimate blueprint for life, the bible.  Can I get an AMEN!?!?!  Okay, off my soapbox.

Truly, it is a daunting task and to me the common underpinning is self-control.  It requires self-control as a parent to maintain a biblical parenting trajectory.  And it takes self-control on our kid's part to grow and stretch and test and learn while attempting to be obedient to God's teachings even when time with God and in his word can easily get swept under the rug or postponed.  I began this blog to instill some parenting self-control in my life; to create a consistent theme or focus that would begin to root my kids in him.

I have enjoyed the concept of the wise men and talking to my kids about their fixed point and how much self-control it takes to focus on that fixed point.  What I pray is that they come to know God so deeply that their fixed point becomes a gravitational pull.  That they are so rooted that the winds of the world will not pull them out and that they will remain in him.

We were at a family party yesterday and my son, Cole, was outside with some kids and my Dad.  There were outdoor rugs down on the patio and one kid was hopping around and the rug slipped a little and he fell down.  My Dad asked Cole if they should move the rugs, and Cole said, "No, I think the gravitational pull will keep the rugs in place."  What?  It was hilarious, but as I reflected this morning it is an amazing illustration.  Our gravitational pull should be God and our landing pad (rug in this case) or our connection to God (gravitational pull) is Jesus.  How we react to, walk on, deal with that rug and the gravitational pull depends on our obedience and self-control.  The gravitational pull does not change, nor would it help to remove the rug, or take Jesus out of the equation.  We have a free will, but how much more sweet and joyful life is when we rest on Jesus and allow him to lead us to God?  He has so much to give us if we would only be obedient.

Isaiah 58:13b-14: "...and if you honor it (God's law) by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."

By His Grace

Practically, I feel like I try to leave an activity or action item for you, in case you are walking this adventure with me.  My kids are memorizing the scriptures that root our family statement of faith by reading them at bedtime five times each, one at a time, until we know them all.  It takes self-control.

The Star

I had the privilege of participating in an Advent Quiet Day last week.  The focus of our quiet and meditation was the wise men that followed the star of Jesus.  What an amazing illustration they were of our journey to eternal life and our need to exercise self-control in all aspects of that journey.

The 'magos' (in Greek) were those who have wisdom through investigation and interpretation of the heavenly bodies.  (Holman Christian Study Bible Word Study)  In the sky they saw a star, they were, after all, astrologers.  That star became their fixed point. Now, the star was in the sky, so not a totally tangible fixed point but a fixed point nonetheless.  I learned their journey had to have taken 18 months to 2 years due to the distance, mode of travel, passing of time as they met with Herod before setting out on the journey, etc.  During that long period of time, I believe they were doing constant investigation, research and reflection on how that day's progress had moved them closer to their fixed point, the star.  They would have had to chart their course for the day, determine where the star was in the sky, how that day's course had moved them forward, or not, and what the plan or course would be for the next day in order to continue to make progress toward their fixed point.

Imagine for a moment with me all the details that would go into a trip that would take 18 months to complete, and on camels no less!  Imagine all the potential things that could have distracted them from their fixed point, the daily mundane things that could have taken their focus away from their investigation and research on their progress toward their fixed point.  There had to have been at least one road that would not progress them toward the star, but that looked interesting and may have appeared to be worth a detour.  There had to have been at least one day when they did not want to pick up camel poop and wanted to just stay where they were and give up on the journey.  I mean really, camel poop for 18 months?  Did it not take divinely-inspired self-control to not let the amount of potential distractions deter them from their fixed point?

God's desire for eternal life with Him is our fixed point, our star.  Our daily walk is our journey; our investigation, our progress toward our fixed point.  There are so many things in my life and in my kids' lives that threaten to distract us from our focus on that fixed point.  We have to be diligent about our progress toward our fixed point and that, my fellow parents, takes divinely-inspired self-control.

Emma recently received her first cell phone as a birthday present.  With that phone came a contract between Emma and my husband and I that provides clear guidelines for the use of that phone.  Emma loves that phone.  It is always close to her and some days it feels as if she uses it constantly.  And, she has pushed the boundaries of the contract.  This week I had to remind her of her contract and suggested she go back and re-read the contract so the guidelines and details were crystal clear in her mind.  Her contract requires self-control.  And the re-reading of the contract caused her to reflect on her adherence to the contract and the effectiveness of her self-control.

As we walk through our daily lives, how often each day, each moment, do we lose focus on our fixed point and how do we call on our divinely-inspired self-control to reset our focus on the star?  Our contract is the bible, God's word.  It is our blueprint, map, and contract for our journey to our fixed point.  If we are tracking, investigating, and meditating on our progress toward eternal life, we are utilizing his word to check that progress and potentially changing our course for the next day or the next moment to refocus on our fixed point.

I want my kids to have a clear picture of their fixed point, their star and all that it entails to journey toward that star.  So a couple days ago we talked about the wise men, their journey, the star, the camel poop, and how that relates to our challenge in life to show God's love and to engage self-control.  As a memory point I gave them each a small wise men to carry in their pocket for the month to remind them of the journey they are on and how it requires self-control.  Philippians 3:12-14 (HCSB) says, 'Not that I have already reached [the goal] or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.  we must be constantly looking forward and up toward our fixed point in order to maintain focus and remember where our journey is taking us, closer and closer to God.

It takes self-control, focus, commitment, investigation of the word, determination, perseverance, and many other things.  I am encouraged so far by my kids excitement and use of their wise men and have enjoyed a couple sweet conversations about what it means to seek Him.

By His Grace

Statement of Faith

Have you created a statement of faith with your kids? What a precious experience! I am sharing ours today. We got together last week and I asked the kids what they believed about God. Some of their answers had to be a little re-directed, but we came up with some basic tenets that root us in Christ and enable us to walk in love actions and produce fruit for the kingdom.  All our roots are solid and elementary school age driven, I do envision the revisiting of our statement of faith as they grow and their faith deepens and as they learn more about God and his Word.

When they came up with their beliefs, we made sure they were grounded in scripture and we assigned a scripture to each root.  As we go through this next month and move on to focusing on self-control, we will also be memorizing the scriptures that root our statement of faith.

I will post on self-control in the next couple days.
By His Grace

What to Hope for?

Hope.  Hope has always been such a strong, secure, happy, motivational word for me.  What do you hope for ... is a challenging and thought-provoking question.  And now in the face of Christmas and presents, I am struck by the fact that the things my children hope for is what I always try to deliver.  However, in order to deliver what they want; or hope for, they have to know what it is they hope for.  There in, for my kids, lies the problem.  They don't always know what they hope for.

Hope is a desire for something you do not see or tangibly have at the time.  During this time our kids hope for video games, big wheels, scooters, soccer boppers (have you seen those?)  and a myriad of other things.  We may hope for happiness, reconciliation with a family member or friend, a healing, a break-through, a get-away, and, as so many things reference this time of year, hope for peace.

As humans isn't it easier to live our lives hoping for things that we have a tangible sense of?  We can visualize a get-away, even a  reconciliation, usually because we have spent thought and hopefully prayer on it.  And our kids can, for sure, visualize nailing their sibling with soccer boppers.  My own kids have clearly described their own visualization of sitting on the couch, watching television in snuggies.  But that tangible hope is exactly the hope, produced by faith, that God wants us to have in his promises for our earthly life and our eternal life.  Remember Hebrews 11:1: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  As I re-read that verse I am struck by the word 'sure'.  How sure are we, and our kids, of God's promises?  Are we rooted in his promises?  Do his promises drive our daily actions, our conversations, our motivations?

Romans 8:24 & 25 says, "For in this hope we were saved.  But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what he already has?  But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait patiently."  Now, I am not trying to say that we have to wait and hope for all of God's promises, but his promises transcend time and span the breadth and depth of our life.  Additionally, His ultimate promise, the promise of eternal life, is something to hope for and patiently wait for.  Isn't eternal life His ultimate promise?  The promise to live with Him forever?  So as we wait and hope in that ultimate promise we live out our faith with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

The crux of that hope for our kids, and their ability to live a life that illustrates the characteristics of the nine virtues that demonstrate the fruit of the spirit, is that they are rooted in ALL of God's promises.  What promises are our kids sure of?  What do they believe?  What are they rooted in?  What do they believe God will deliver to them just as strongly as they believe in Mommy and Daddy's ability to deliver their tangible hopes?

We have started our family statement of faith and it is a picture of a tree that we all had a hand in creating.  The roots are God's promises, the trunk is love, and the leaves, branches, and fruits are the fruit of the spirit.  What is your family statement of faith?  And what better time to define the promises we hope in than Christmas, when our ultimate hope was born?

By His Grace

I Believe...

I must start by first acknowledging that I am late in posting.  By the strength of God I am finally feeling better and was quite sick with many flu-type symptoms.  But, we continue on faith...

A couple weeks ago, we talked about how our children would answer the question I am... and how we can influence the answer to that question.  As we have been talking about faith in our house, it occurred to me that even more important that the answer to I am... is the answer to I believe...  So, one day last week after a morning devotional, I asked, "What do you believe?"  I expected wonderful, Godly answers.  I mean, come on.  We do talk about God a lot at home, but I was met with blank stares.  Really though, it is a heavy question for a 9 and 11 year old to answer.  So I narrowed the question a little bit, "What do you believe about God?"  Whew, I actually got a couple answers.  Emma said, "That He is always with us."  Cole answered, "That he listens when we pray and that he says yes to all our prayers."

So, yes, He is always with us, but does he always say yes to our prayers?  We, as adults, know that he technically does not, and that it depends on the prayer and His plan for us and the realistic nature of our prayers in His grand plan for our lives.  But, beyond that minorly mistaken doctrine from my son, it hit me that while we pray and discuss and go to church and spend time serving and send the kids to small groups and try to have their lives sprinkled with God daily, what are their roots?

Colossians 2:6,7 says' "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."  While we as parents do 'sprinkle' God into our children's life, at what point are we focusing on the roots in a purposeful and intentional manner?  I totally group myself in this.  What is it that they believe about God?  When we send them to church, do daily devotionals, etc... they get good things, but they are sprinklings.  What if we made an intentional and purposeful plan to influence what they believe, now while they are in our care.  The bible says, if we do that, then it will not depart from them as they grow.  "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  Proverbs 22:6  Way back in the beginning of my blog, I identified the difference between teaching and training and I love that the word used here is train.

Romans 10:17 says, "Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."  Another version (HCSB) says, "So faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes from the message about Christ."  What do our children hear and what do they take in?  I know I can do a much better job of truly discipling my children and talking about what we truly believe.  That Jesus Christ died for our sins, that he was the son of God, that God gave his only son for our sin, that we are called to be different that the world.  If we can really effect the roots of our children's lives through an intentional training in what they believe, then we will affect the Godly men and women that they can become.  Though not by our might, solely by the strength and focus of the Lord, through us, right?  It takes us humbly submitting to Him, and garnering our strength to continue from him, even in the face of frustration and resistance.

Romans 11:16 (HCSB) says, "Now, if the firstfruits offered up are holy, so is the whole batch.  And if the root is holy, so are the branches."  Firstfruits are the beginnings of anything, the first part of whatever we have, our energy, our talents, our resources.  If we can help our children to give their firstfruits to the Lord, then their fruit will be Godly and they will be able to work out the path God has created for them.  They cannot give their firstfruits to the Lord if they do not know what they believe.  Over the course of this next Thanksgiving week, we are going to start an exercise.  We believe... I am starting a conversation that we will document and we will write down all that we believe about God and his will in our life as a family statement of faith.  This will be an interactive exercise and we will intentionally talk about each point and ground it in scripture.  I will share parts with you, but I encourage you to embark on your own creation of a family statement of faith.

By His Grace

Faith from the Mouths of Babes

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  Hebrews 11:1

Of course, to begin our month of focusing on faithfulness with our children I had to start with the bible's definition of faith as it leads into what is often termed the biblical hall of fame, Hebrews 11.  But how do we pick this apart for our kids and make it tangible for them?  How do we encourage a strong faith in God, so much so that He is their hope and they are certain of Him and His word?  I have been struggling with this over the course of the last couple weeks.  This seems to me to be the least tangible fruit of the spirit, the hardest to explain.  Then, from the mouth of babes...

The kids and I were doing our morning devotional and we started talking about all the fruits of the spirit that we have been focusing on since June, love actions and how they translate into joy, peace, patience and most recently, kindness and goodness.  I mentioned that we were at the end of the month and that we were ready to add our next fruit of the spirit to our list and talks.  They both looked eagerly at me and said, "What's next?"  I said, "Well, it's a little bit harder one, it challenges us to decide what we believe in, it is faithfulness."  To which Cole said, "Oh, that's easy, we just had a story about that at school."  Well, okay then, let's go to the story that Cole told us.  I scripted from his words exactly.

There were two friends named, Pythias and Damon.  Pythias goes against the king's laws, gets put in jail and gets sentenced to death.  So Damon comes to jail and asks the king if he can let Pythias go to do favors for his mother and sister.  The trip is three days away from the jail to Pythias' mother and sister.  So the king is generous enough to let Pythias go but he gives a time span of two weeks to go there and back.  But Damon has to stay in jail in Pythias' place for the two weeks and is Pythias does not get back in the two weeks Damon is killed in Pythias' place.  And so Pythias hardly makes it back before they kill Damon.  When the king sees the two, the king says, "I have never seen this much faith in two people, I can't kill people like this."  So the king sets the two of them free.

Before I talk about the conversation that ensued, you need to know that I went to Google to learn more about Pythias and Damon, like any good mom would do to find an answer.  I was unfamiliar with the story.   It is a Greek story of friendship, and I would assume that the wonderful Christian school my son attends changed it up a little to reflect a story of faith.  One place you can find the original story is: http://www.historyforkids.org/learn/greeks/literature/damon.htm

What my kids and I were able to talk about is the faith that Damon had in Pythias.  He had no assurance that Pythias would return in time to save him from a death that was not his to suffer.  He had no tangible proof that Pythias would return, only the things he knew about Pythias and what he had learned about him throughout the course of their friendship.  Interestingly, the Greek word for faith is pistis (seemed close to Pythias to me) which when used in the new testament means trustworthy, solemn promise, state of being faithful, complete trust, reliance on the Lord's power.  Damon had to have complete trust to rely on the possibility that Pythias would actually come back.  It was black and white trust.  There is no way Damon would have taken Pythias' place in jail, pending execution, is he did not have a black and white trust in Pythias.  I mean, seriously!

So what do our kids have black and white trust, the ultimate faith, in?  In order to truly act in love actions, employing the fruit of the spirit, we must have complete faith in the God we serve.  Don't we?  Otherwise when we bump up against the world, why would we not react in kind, instead of in love actions?  In order for our kids, and us for that matter, to act in love, we have to believe in who we love and have faith that he is the way, the truth, and the life.  How do we know that we have that black and white faith?  In Galatians 5:6b it says, "...The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."  So by equipping our kids to employ the fruits of the spirit they are acting out their faith in God.  Drawing from speaking them into what they can be from last week's post, we can also encourage them to act into what they can become, strong men and women of faith.  Faith is believing, pisteuo is the Greek word for believe which is the verb version of the noun pistis.  Faith and belief are from the same root.   In addition to being able to complete the phrase I am... We also need to equip our kids with I believe...  For as we believe, from that we will act.  "For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."  Luke 6:45 
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3  Action into belief, encouraging our kids to work out their faith and to truly be fruitful works in progress is a constant parenting purpose.  It requires our focus and conversation.  One of the things that we will do during this thankful season and month is to write a Family Statement of Faith, we believe... Stay tuned as we move toward that event.

I Am...

I use the Daily Walk for my reading and devotional time in the morning.  Last week it challenged us/me to find Jesus' seven I am statements in the book of John.  It prefaced with the following story.  'To screen and select the first seven astronauts for the American space program, each applicant had to complete the sentence "I am...," in 50 different ways.  After using up the obvious answers - "I am a man, I am a test pilot, I am from Florida" - the candidates quickly discovered how penetrating and thought provoking that question can become." (Daily Walk, October 2011 pg 32)  So as I went finished the devotional I set out to find Jesus' seven I am statements.  Here is what I found:

1.      I am the bread of life; he who comes to me will not hunger and he who believes in me will never thirst (John 6:35)

2.      I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. (John 8:12)

3.      ...I am the door of the sheep. (John 10:7)

4.      I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. (John 10:7)

5.      I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. (John 11:25,26)

6.      I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the father but through me. (John 14:6)

7.      I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. (John 15:1)

 

This got me thinking about how I would finish the statement I am and how my children, in turn, would finish the statement.  Jesus was God incarnate, our shepherd, our sustenance, our eternal life, our source, our God.  What who and what are we?  It made me think about what my family would say I am and what my friends would say I am?  What do people see when they interact with me or my kids?  Last week I quoted Henri Nowen, "We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished...", and talked about being a fruitful work in progress, but how are we sure what we are progressing toward?  And what are we setting in our kid's path to ensure they are becoming fruitful works in progress, even when the fruit is not what we were striving for?

I once heard a pastor talk about speaking actions into being.  If we seek to find how we or our children would answer the I am statement we have to consider what is in their head and heart.  What kinds of things are they being told each day?  And are they living up and into those words, good or bad?  Jesus knew beyond a shadow of a doubt who he was and is.  I definitely know some things beyond a shadow of a doubt; I am a child of God, I am loved, I am forgiven.  But there are other things that I hope people think of me and that is where the fruits of the spirit come in.  Would people use the fruits of the spirit to describe you or your kids?  I know I don't demonstrate that each day and we all know that my daughter doesn't, based on last week's post, and I can tell you that my son does not either.  But if we go back to the fruitful work in progress idea and pair that  with  the words that go into our heads and hearts each day and the words we put in our children's heads and hearts each day, we get a picture of how we can begin to speak our children into the people they were meant to be in the Lord.

Last year I was fortunate to be involved in a discipleship group.  Through that process one of the things that we did was come up with 10 affirmations for our kids.  Based on my previous understanding and belief in speaking actions into being, I wrote words for my kids that encompassed all they were but also all they could become.  I have revisited those words with my kids occasionally and need to revisit them more frequently.  But for both kids the word kind is included.  If they think they are kind, and told they are kind, maybe they will act more kind.  In contrast, if a child thinks he is unfocused, and he is told he is unfocused, he will act unfocused.  See where I was going?  If we are affirming our kids with what they can become, don't they have a better chance of becoming that?  Similarly, if we are studying God's words and memorizing and trying to follow his path, don't we have a better chance of being a fruitful work in progress?

In Deuteronomy 11:18-21 it say, "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, and when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the Lord swore  to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth."

I will be revisiting the words I have written for my children this week, and attempt to be more intentional with them.  I want to fix them in their minds and hearts, and speak them into being, so they will be fruitful works in progress as they faithfully employ the fruits of the spirit.

The Fruit of Kindness

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people,..."  Galatians 6:9,10a
It is so easy to move through life acting or behaving as those around us.  When a group gets together don't they all tend to say and do similar things?  Isn't it comfortable that way?  More comfortable to blend in than to stick out?  As we bump up against the world each day we are challenged to act differently than the world.  When our children are in a situation where others are challenging or retaliating or talking about someone, the easiest thing is to join in.  It is safe.  It is hard to go against the grain when what you want to do is join in, or win at any cost, or get the position or reaction that gains the respect or praise of the group.

Emma and I were recently with a group of her friends where we ordered sodas for all the girls.  When they came, we realized we had ordered too few root beers and too many sprites.  What I wanted my daughter to do was to take the extra sprite and kindly, let her friend have the root beer, even though she wanted the root beer.  I wanted her to put others first, to show the kindness that we have been talking about all month.  Guess what?  She didn't.  She dug her heels in, looked me in the eyes and said, "I ordered the root beer."  Ugh.  Another girl did show kindness and gave up her desire to have root beer and settled for a sprite.  Who knew the choice of soda would be such a learning experience.  Not my proudest moment but it did open an opportunity to have a conversation with my daughter privately.
Don't we grow weary of trying to do good?  Isn't it sometimes easy to just go with the flow of the traffic?  But in Galatians 6:9 it says, "Let us NOT grow weary of doing good..."  I think that is in there because God knew we would grow weary and that it would be hard to persevere.  In similar fashion, don't we grow weary of parenting our kids in the spiritual disciplines, encouraging and guiding them in the fruits of the spirit?  Especially when we don't always see results.  Parenting is a constant feeding and pruning process that will sometimes take time to show any result.  Doesn't anything that is constant make us weary?  It does me.

There are many examples of trees and growth and the fruit that we are to produce in the bible.  One of my favorites is Matthew 12:33-35.  It says, "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognizable by its fruit...For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him..."  If we think about parenting from this example, our children need constant feeding and pruning.  We need to be intentional about their discipleship and intentional about the good that we want them to store up in their heart.  They are so impressionable and the more they bump up against the world the more they are exposed and tempted to act like everyone else.  But isn't it our job as parents to try to fill them with good so that their overflow is good and kind and not competitive and aggressive?
But this cannot be achieved on Sunday mornings, or a weekly devotional.  This needs to be a part of our comings and goings, a part of our daily conversations.  It is constant and makes me weary just thinking about it.  But the fruit, oh the fruit.  What we have to remember is that once a tree is planted to takes a good bit of care, feeding, pruning, fertilizing and time for the fruit to be luscious and ripe.  We need to have the patience and care to stay the course regardless of the small blossoms that are sometimes sweet and beautiful and sometimes brown and ugly.  We, and our children, are fruitful works in progress.  Henri Nowen writes, "We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished. Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort. Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness."  There will be times when our children's fruit is not that attractive, when they really want a ROOT BEER!  But we can also have the same reaction to life and it is in our vulnerability that we can sometimes show our kids that we understand how hard it is.  Kindness in all situations is more of a challenge than we like to admit.

Isaiah 27:2-5 says, "In that day - 'Sing about a fruitful vineyard: I, the Lord, watch over it; I water it continually.  I guard it day and night so that no one may harm it.  I am not angry.  If only there were briers and thorns confronting me!  I would march against them in battle; I would set them all on fire.  Or else let them come to me for refuge; let them make peace with me, yes, let them make peace with me.'"
I did not call Emma out in the moment of the root beer debacle, even though I wanted to yank her arm, give her a stern look and say, "How is that KIND?"  But after the fact, once we were alone, I was able to calm down and we had a wonderful conversation about how hard it is to be different that others when what you want is to fit in and feel safe.  Emma and I were each other's refuge in that moment and each other's peace.  I strive (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to set that example now, so that as they move from us being their center to God being their center, they are pulling from his overflowing love that will constantly water them and will never grow weary.  Do we guard them like a vineyard, constantly watering, filling them with God's disciplines and words?  I know I don't always, but it is a constant striving, from which I am sometimes weary. 

Kindness and goodness as we bump up against the world we live in, is a fruitful work in progress in our home, what about yours?

By His Grace

Move On, Let Go

Why do people exclude other people?  Why do people use unkind words?  Why do people hurt other people?  What really makes you sad?

There are times and moments in our lives where the decisions and actions of others hurt us.  When we feel left out or not included or alone, we tend to the human response of lashing out or letting our sadness be present for a time.  And when it happens to a child of your own, it is an even stronger response than when it happens directly to you, at least it is for me.  I had a couple events this last week that left me in a challenging place.  My initial reaction to my feelings of exclusion was to lash out, but then I just found myself engulfed by sadness.  If you are like me, when you or worse, your child, have something happen that makes then feel excluded, unaccepted or left out, then I start to analyze why someone would do something like that.  Why would that person not include everyone?  Or why would that person say those words?  I come up with any number of scenarios about the other person and their motivation.  You know what these thoughts and internal discussions about another person's motivation does for me?  Absolutely nothing!

We cannot and do not know why others do what they do, but we (myself included for sure) try to determine the why and we begin to make up scenarios that really just end in our judgment of the other person.  In our effort to be kind to the world we bump up against unkindness and our human reaction is to judge that unkindness.  That judgment aligns us with the world and makes us one of them.  Instead of us rising above, choosing a love action and following Jesus' example we become angry and frustrated and we let it infiltrate our mind and heart.  In Matthew 14 we find a story where one of Jesus' friends and ministry partners, John the Baptist, is brutally murdered.  This in itself is gruesome and sad, horrifying really, but what struck me was Jesus' reaction and subsequent actions.
"John's disciples came and took his body and buried it.  Then they went and told Jesus.  When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew to a solitary place.  Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns.  When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."  Matthew 14:12-14

Now, let's be clear that I am not aligning my hurt over a couple minor exclusions with that of a death of a friend.  I am, however, wonderfully encouraged by Jesus' example.  A horribly unkind thing had happened, so don't you think when Jesus withdrew to a solitary place he wanted to be sad?  To have the chance to mourn his dear friend?  Maybe take a moment to be angry at the injustice of it all?  He probably wanted to run scenarios as to why someone would kill his friend.  But he didn't, really, do any of these things.  He looks out and feels compassion for the crowds that had followed him.  He did not wallow in the muck and mire, which we so often do, he moved forward to compassion for the world around him.  He didn't go to Herod and lash out and recount all the things that Herod should have done and all the ways he could have exhibited kindness.  He just carried on in compassion and kindness.  I believe that for any small amount of solitary time he had on that boat, he was praying, probably for Herod.  Amazing.

We truly don't know other's motivations and reasons for their behaviors.  Only God knows that.  In fact he knows them intimately.  In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says, 'But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."'  When we are hit with what we see as unkindness and then we attempt to understand why things happen, wouldn't it help us to remember that only God knows and that it is only for him to know.  Maybe if we remember that Jesus faced a horrible event of unkindness and instead of lashing out and being sad, he went and showed compassion, it would help move us out of our sadness and move forward on the path God has for us?  Would that help us to move on and let go?

Emma really has a remarkable ability to let things roll off her back.  She does not try to understand why people do what they do but is able to move on and let go.  Cole, just like his mother, sees the injustice of it all and carries the sadness for a while when he feels he has been treated unkindly.  But what does that do for him, and me?  Again, absolutely nothing.  Well, actually, it does do something.  If we run scenarios in our head, be sad and cry over the injustice of it all, it separates us from God.  It puts us in a place where we cannot feel his love.  We can make a choice to just move on and let go.  We can respond with a love action.  We can lean into God, feel his loving arms around us and find comfort in knowing that only he knows.  Only he knows motivations and reasons.  And only he loves us so much that he gave up his only son.

The truth is that we have all been unkind.  I can think of my unkindness right off the top of my head.  But we are also all, as believers, called to kindness.  He actually selected us for that purpose, to show his love for the world through kindness, among the other fruits of the spirit.  So I pray for my children and myself, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."  Philippians 3:12  I pray that my kids and I may press on through all situations to take hold of kindness and goodness, to show love to the world around us and to let go and move on.

By His Grace

Look Me in the Eye

I have a dear friend who is a teacher.  She just had a job change and went from teaching second grade to middle school science.  It is a big jump for her but a challenging and exciting one.  What has struck her is that middle school kids are making their own choices.  The students choose whether to turn assignments in or not.  Therefore, she already has some kids that are failing just because they chose not to turn in their assignments.  Recently at back to school night she had her first interactions with the middle school parents.  As the parents came through, I am sure checking her out as the new teacher, she had discussions about curriculum, introductions to the students, and a variety of other topics.  I don't doubt that in the back of her mind she was aligning parents to the choices their children were making each day.  Toward the end of one group she had a sweet grandfather come up and said something that brought tears to her eyes.  He said, "Just remember to have Jacob look you in the eyes when you are speaking to him. He's my boy!"

Jacob is an autistic boy, so eye contact is challenging for him, but of all the concerns that grandfather could have discussed with his teacher, his top of mind concern was that Jacob be reminded to look his teacher in the eye.  And if I really think about it, looking people in the eyes is hard for all of us.  When was the last time you really looked someone in the eyes, intentionally?  My kids and I  have been practicing this as a way of showing kindness.  When we really look people on the eyes, mouth shut, focusing, it effects the person.  Consider the last time someone really looked in your eyes.  Didn't it change you a little bit?  Didn't it warm your heart and make you feel cherished in some way?  We move through life quickly, passing conversations, moving to the next topic, looking at our screen(s), looking anywhere but in people's eyes.

If we are to emulate Jesus' kindness and teach our children to do the same, the practice of looking people in the eyes is crucial.  Imagine Jesus.  Don't you think he looked directly into people's eyes?  He probably bore through their eyes into their soul.  And he took the time.  Remember the woman who believed she could be healed solely by touching the hem of Jesus' garment? 
"Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak.  She said to herself, 'If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.'  Jesus turned and saw her.  'Take heart, daughter,' he said, 'your faith has healed you.'"  Matthew 9:20-22
In the throngs of people around him, Jesus stopped, and saw her, looked her in the eyes and spoke to her.  Can you imagine that? Don't you think she felt something in his eyes?

Looking it people's eyes takes time, it takes focus, it takes intention, it takes compassion, and it shows extreme kindness.  We make choices each day and as my kids grow I am struck by the thought that I will continue to lose control over the choices they make and also become less knowledgeable about the choices they are making. In the near future they will have more autonomy and make decisions on their own.  In a world where they spend a good bit of time looking into a screen, I want them to develop the habit of taking the time to look people in the eye.  It will separate them from the world, define them as kind individuals.  It will cause them to feel more, to study people.  Just as Jesus did.  I believe he took time to look people in the eye, each and every time he interacted with them.  It is hard to be angry or frustrated with someone when you are looking them in the eyes.  You can see a lot when you truly focus on people's eyes.  And as a society we run the risk of losing this intense communication and insight.  If we practice looking others in the eyes, we practice kindness, we practice goodness, we practice showing ourselves and practice seeing others.

Our eyes truly are the windows to our soul.  You can see hurt, sadness, anger, joy, excitement and a myriad of other emotions.  What I want people to see in my eyes and my kid's eyes... is Jesus.

By His Grace

The Challenge of Kindness

Love actions encompass all of the fruits of the spirit.  The fruits of the spirit give us detail on how to operate in love, how to change a less than love reaction (frustration, anger, judgment) into a love action (patience, kindness, goodness).  As believers we are called and challenged to love God, love other believers, and love the world.  In John 17 Jesus prays in this way and this defines our priorities as believers.

The first three fruits of the spirit relate to the first challenge which is to love God.  True unconditional love and being joyful in this life, living that life peacefully, and trusting him, shows our love for God.  We know he is in control, he has a plan.  When we truly consider his unconditional love then we naturally react in joy and peace because we know he is sovereign and already gave everything he had for us in his son.  But we live in the world.  That's where the other fruits start to come into play.

Last month we focused patience and how to teach that to our children and encourage them in that.  We found that I learned patience from my children most of the time.  We all struggle with certain things, mine happens to be patience.

The next two fruits of the spirit are kindness and goodness.  I recently had a conversation with a dear friend.  She had been praying for a specific thing to happen and she truly felt as if God wanted it for her.  When that thing did not come to fruition it was confusing to her, as it would be to anyone and has been to me in some situations in the past.  As I prayed and thought about it through the day I started to consider all the other people involved in any given situation.  For example, if your child does a sport consider all of the people your child comes alongside in the midst of that sport.  There are coaches, team moms, managers, other players, and all the same characters on the opposing team.  Now if every person involved in that sport loved God and took time to pray and seek his will in the sport before each game or practice then I believe the outcome in each case would be tremendously different.  As it is, some may pray, and depending on your circle it may be a larger percentage of people than not, but some may not pray or seek God's will and path.  Some will look for God in all things and strive to follow his path and directions, while many may not.  If everyone operated in the fruits of the spirit and a core motivation that grew from a love of God, other believers and the world we would be living in paradise, a perfect world.  But we don't and we cannot always rely on the actions of others.  We know that God intends the best for all who are called (Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."), but there are those who have not answered the call and we bump up against them and they are in our midst each and every day.

Cole is a pretty kind person and he likes it when everyone gets along and affirms each other.  He is comfortable in a place where everyone is working toward the same goal and in harmony, which is probably true of all of us.  When he was in first grade I was in the back of the class during a time when they were working on writing a little story.  The class had become very competitive and students were announcing their stories, talking over each other and basically one-upping each other verbally.  The teacher was getting increasingly frustrated and the noise level continued to rise with this group of kids telling each other how much better they were than everyone else.  Then, I see Cole drop his head into his hands, start crying and say, "I just can't think."

The sweet teacher went and comforted him but the problem was bigger.  His core was upset, everything that makes him comfortable and happy, joy, kindness, and respect had been challenged and was challenged each day as he went through that school year.  He was upset by the other kids behavior, but still found it hard to resist being a part of it at times.  He would come home upset about being in trouble or not finishing work, but would repeat the behavior the next day and once again would come home sad and upset.  My husband and I ultimately made the decision to put Cole in another school.   For him he needed to come alongside kids who were more similar to him in order for him to succeed academically.  It was a hard decision and a hard change but has turned out to be the thing that saved the core of who Cole is, who God created him to be.  For some of us the outside world affects us more than others.

For Cole and Emma, for that matter, it has been effective for us to say, "How would it feel if someone said that to you, or talked to you that way, or if you were the new student and had to stand by yourself."  In most cases this has motivated them to be kind, but they are also subject to what every child is and are constantly challenged to not meet aggression with aggression or anger with anger.

As we teach our children about kindness and goodness, we will be faced with the possibility that they have to provide kindness and goodness in some situations where it is not initiated or received by the other person. For Emma, when that happens, she is pretty good about shaking it off and not letting it affect her, if she noticed it at all.  For Cole it changes his countenance and hurts his heart.   He remembers it, at least for a little while.  But we are called to be kind.  We are called to treat others as we want to be treated.  In Matthew 7:12 it says, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

Kindness and love actions are not always easy.  There will be times when our kids react in ways that do not exhibit the fruits of the spirit, but the more they are able to rise above the pull of the world and its reactions and behaviors, the closer they are to God and his love for them.  If we can equip them to walk in his path and be unaffected by the behaviors and challenges of the world, they will be building a foundation for their lives that will last through the worst times of their lives. 
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."  Matthew 7:24-25

By His Grace

Ouch...Breathe

Before you speak, listen.  Before you write, think.  Before you pray, forgive.  Before you quit, try.  I read each morning, well almost each morning, from a magazine that provides insights and commentary on whatever the selection of scripture was for that day.  A couple days ago the magazine had the words that I wrote above.  And to me, it all means patience.  Listening, thinking, forgiving and trying all takes patience; patience with ourselves and patience with others.

Consider all the patience God shows us on a daily basis as we move through our lives.  Jesus was the epitome of patience. Jesus spent three decades preparing for a ministry that lasted only about three years.  Talk about patience and long-suffering.  He knew his role from the beginning.  I would imagine that he would have liked to get it over with earlier, but that was not God's plan.  Jesus was laser focused on God's plan for his life and how different would our lives be if that was our laser focus.

Jesus did react with less than patience in one instance.  In Matthew 21:12-13, Mark 11:15-16 and Luke 19:45-46, Jesus reacts to the temple being used as a marketplace.  "Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there.  He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.  'It is written', he said to them, 'my house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers.'"  Matthew 21:12-13

The context that Jesus lives in was his love for God, his love for his disciples and his love for the world.  When his love of his God was attacked by using the temple in a manner unworthy of a house of prayer and God's intent for the temple, he lost his patience.  He lost his patience only when it truly went against all he believed and lived and all that God had planned for him.  That humbles me as I think about all the times I lose my patience during the day.  When we lose our patience or react to a situation from a motivation other than a love action, we need to check our motives in that situation.  How does it look to the other person?  Am I doing this because I love God and believe in his plan for my life?  Ouch.

The other day I had become increasingly frustrated with Emma's ability to enter a space in the house and leave it, moments later, in a state of disarray.  At one point I had asked her to look around her and pick up everything in this specific area where she had been doing a craft.  A couple minutes later she plunked down on the couch and was watching TV.  I walked near where she had picked up and there were a pair of scissors on the floor.  I said to her in a very sarcastic tone, "Emma, um, where do the scissors go?".  She answered, "In the drawer."  I pointed to the scissors and gave her a very impatient expression, threw my hands up in the air and said, "Then put them there."  Emma stood up and said in a very sarcastic tone and expression, "Okay!" and put the scissors away.  I wanted to scream, "DO NOT talk to me that way!"  I, however, had started the sarcastic exchange.  How could I get angry at her reaction when that is what it was, a reaction, or mirror, to what she had just received from me.  Ouch.

The context that I operated out of that day was not a love of God, a love of his people or a love of the world.  It was my own created context where everything had to be in a certain place and where everyone listened to me the first time and did exactly what was told, to my standards.  Ouch.

When we act in frustration, judgment, anger, or lack of patience to those we encounter we are operating out of a faulty context, and we are not considering the context they are operating from.  They may have had a bad morning, may have been yelled at by their parents, may have done poorly on a test, may have gotten in a fight with their spouse.  We cannot know why people do or react as they do, but we can control our own context.

God has unlimited patience with us.  We can take our love for him and turn it into listening, thinking, forgiving, trying and acting in patience.  We can breathe before we react and search for the core of our motivation, God's love for us and our love for him.  Breathe first, love next.

I am so glad to have made it through a month of writing about patience.  I am looking forward to moving on, but know that God will continue his work on my patience level, ouch...breathe.

By His Grace