Ouch...Breathe

Before you speak, listen.  Before you write, think.  Before you pray, forgive.  Before you quit, try.  I read each morning, well almost each morning, from a magazine that provides insights and commentary on whatever the selection of scripture was for that day.  A couple days ago the magazine had the words that I wrote above.  And to me, it all means patience.  Listening, thinking, forgiving and trying all takes patience; patience with ourselves and patience with others.

Consider all the patience God shows us on a daily basis as we move through our lives.  Jesus was the epitome of patience. Jesus spent three decades preparing for a ministry that lasted only about three years.  Talk about patience and long-suffering.  He knew his role from the beginning.  I would imagine that he would have liked to get it over with earlier, but that was not God's plan.  Jesus was laser focused on God's plan for his life and how different would our lives be if that was our laser focus.

Jesus did react with less than patience in one instance.  In Matthew 21:12-13, Mark 11:15-16 and Luke 19:45-46, Jesus reacts to the temple being used as a marketplace.  "Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there.  He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.  'It is written', he said to them, 'my house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers.'"  Matthew 21:12-13

The context that Jesus lives in was his love for God, his love for his disciples and his love for the world.  When his love of his God was attacked by using the temple in a manner unworthy of a house of prayer and God's intent for the temple, he lost his patience.  He lost his patience only when it truly went against all he believed and lived and all that God had planned for him.  That humbles me as I think about all the times I lose my patience during the day.  When we lose our patience or react to a situation from a motivation other than a love action, we need to check our motives in that situation.  How does it look to the other person?  Am I doing this because I love God and believe in his plan for my life?  Ouch.

The other day I had become increasingly frustrated with Emma's ability to enter a space in the house and leave it, moments later, in a state of disarray.  At one point I had asked her to look around her and pick up everything in this specific area where she had been doing a craft.  A couple minutes later she plunked down on the couch and was watching TV.  I walked near where she had picked up and there were a pair of scissors on the floor.  I said to her in a very sarcastic tone, "Emma, um, where do the scissors go?".  She answered, "In the drawer."  I pointed to the scissors and gave her a very impatient expression, threw my hands up in the air and said, "Then put them there."  Emma stood up and said in a very sarcastic tone and expression, "Okay!" and put the scissors away.  I wanted to scream, "DO NOT talk to me that way!"  I, however, had started the sarcastic exchange.  How could I get angry at her reaction when that is what it was, a reaction, or mirror, to what she had just received from me.  Ouch.

The context that I operated out of that day was not a love of God, a love of his people or a love of the world.  It was my own created context where everything had to be in a certain place and where everyone listened to me the first time and did exactly what was told, to my standards.  Ouch.

When we act in frustration, judgment, anger, or lack of patience to those we encounter we are operating out of a faulty context, and we are not considering the context they are operating from.  They may have had a bad morning, may have been yelled at by their parents, may have done poorly on a test, may have gotten in a fight with their spouse.  We cannot know why people do or react as they do, but we can control our own context.

God has unlimited patience with us.  We can take our love for him and turn it into listening, thinking, forgiving, trying and acting in patience.  We can breathe before we react and search for the core of our motivation, God's love for us and our love for him.  Breathe first, love next.

I am so glad to have made it through a month of writing about patience.  I am looking forward to moving on, but know that God will continue his work on my patience level, ouch...breathe.

By His Grace

Patience or Pwn

The other day both my children had friends over to play after school.  About an hour into the playing all four kids ended up in the family room, sitting on the couch, playing WII.  As I sat at the computer in the same room I listened to the verbiage they used to narrate the game they were playing.  The word that kept coming out was pone (pronounced with a long o sound), also written as pwn.  Have you heard this word?  The kids were all yelling, "I'm going to pwn you!" and "That was total pwnage."  It's not the first time I have heard it and my kids can define it, but I was still curious.  It is the craziest word, so how is a mom to research such a thing?  Google!

On one website, called urbandictionary.com (because, of course, it is not a real word), I found the following definition and explanation:
Pwn (pon), verb
1. An act of dominating an opponent
2. Great, ingenious; applied to methods and objects
Originally dates back to the days of WarCraft, when a map designer misspelled 'own' as 'pwn'.  What was originally supposed to be 'player has been owned' was 'player has been pwned'.
You thought I had a typo in the title didn't you?  So, if you pwn someone or something, you 'own' them, you show no mercy, you use all the tools at your disposal to crush them, by owning them you have completely dominated them and they lose themselves and all their resources.  Pwning is the opposite of patience.

This week in my daily ready, I came across one of my favorite scriptures.  In Micah 6:8 it says, "He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."  Now, as Emma was being her typical calm, sweet, understated self, sitting on the couch playing WII and screaming, "I totally pwned you!", it made me think about how Jesus would act if he was playing Mario cart with his friend.

Technology doesn't bother me so much, we have good rules in place, and the word pwn itself doesn't really bother me because I know there were weird words that I used growing up, however, it does make me giggle that the word was created out of a typo.  I really wasn't bothered by any of it, but it provided a striking example of how our society, behaviors, games and activities teach us the exact opposite of patience and the words of Micah 6:8.  We are to emulate Jesus as his disciples and believers but sometimes everything around us just wants to pwn us and our patience, mercy and humility is constantly at risk.  But we have Jesus.

Jesus came not to own us but to abide in us.  To equip us to make different choices that would reflect his light and love and not the aggression and anger that is found in the world.  But our abiding is challenged when family fights, or when the other team yells insults, or when a friend hurts our feelings.  Situations are hard for us to understand sometimes.  In those moments it is hard to understand patience, it is hard to react in calm mercy layered in humility.  But it is in those precise moments that we understand the breadth and depth of God's patience and his patience with us.  When we are frustrated and don't understand why something happened is exactly when we need to reflect on the plan God has in place, how we fit in and how patient he has been with us.  In 2 Peter 3:9 it says, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."  He desires all to come to him, but until that happens, we do not know the context behind everyone's situation and reaction, but he does.  And if he can have patience in that moment with those people, and he knows from where they came and where they are going and every move they will make along the way, then shouldn't we trust in him and reflect his patience in kind?

We can't know what God's plans are, we can just follow him.  We can't own people or things that provide any lasting fulfillment, but we can act in the patience demonstrated by our God and draw our strength to do so from him.  "...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience..."  Colossians 1:11  If he can be patient with us and just desire to abide in us and not own or dominate us, can't we do the same? 
"I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."  1 Timothy 1:16

When the world wants to pwn us, how much could we change by acting with God's patience and mercy?

By His Grace

Patience that Protects our Peace

In August we talked about peace; the peace that comes from knowing that we are yoked with Christ and belted with his truth which provides true peace.  But our peace is threatened daily.  Some days it feels as if it is threatened by the minute.  Patience is a solution to protecting our peace.  A way to react to people and situations where our peace is threatened.  Once again, I have learned a new level and outlook on patience from my child.  Sometimes we guide and teach them and sometimes they provide us with a clear picture of God's intention in situations.

Just for clarity, remember, patience is not my strong suit.  I actually wear a bracelet made by a dear friend of mind that has the word 'patience' engraved on it as a moment by moment reminder of one of my biggest challenges.  One of my challenges in this arena is the patience to see people as Jesus sees them.  In John 8:1-11 a situation is recounted where Jesus is teaching in the temple.  The religious leaders of the day were constantly trying to trap him in inconsistencies to prove that he was against the law, however, they were never able to do that successfully.  Back in the day, adultery was an offense prosecuted by stoning.  So, as Jesus taught, the leaders brought in a woman who had committed adultery and the religious leaders asked Jesus, "In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.  Now what do you say?" (John 8:5)  Jesus, patiently, responded to the leaders by saying, "If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."  (John 8:7)  Guess what?  Not a single stone was thrown.

God loves us so much that he patiently waits for us to make the right choices, for us to turn to him, and for us to seek the path he has for us.  As believers, we are to be patient with those around us.  So hard to do!  In many situations I am challenged by what someone says, does, or how they act.  I tend to take a holier than thou response in my heart and mind which completely and utterly disrupts my peace.  I also like to get on my soapbox from time to time.  Not a super patient place to be.  In John 8, Jesus did not judge the woman, he created an even playing field that put everyone in the same game with the same skills.  No one was able to throw a stone.  Additionally, he demonstrated patience for the religious leaders who were condemning the woman.  Jesus did not take a holier than thou stance.  He did not yell back at them or come to the woman's defense and he did not get on his soapbox.  He saw them each individually, as they truly were, a work in progress, a garden to tend and cultivate.  If we patiently viewed others as Jesus views them, wouldn't we be more peaceful and unaffected?  Would reacting in patience protect the peace that God wants us to live with?

As my kids prepared for the beginning of school, we sat at the dinner table one night and I asked them some questions about school.  What are you most excited about?  What are you most concerned about?  What teacher are you hoping for?  One question made me giggle and then caused me to reflect on my own patience.  I asked, "What two people would you really like to have in your class?"  Emma responded with two girls who are close friends of hers.  However, one of the girls moved and was not going to attend the same school, which Emma knew, so I asked her to pick someone that could actually be in her class.  She asked if it could be a boy and I said, of course, thinking that I would get some insight into a crush of some sort.  She got a big grin on her face and said, "Steve".  I changed 'Steve's' name to protect the innocent here.  Steve is one of the boys that parents, being truthful, dread having in their child's class.  He is disruptive and loud.  He takes a lot of the teacher's attention.  He disrupts the peace in the classroom.  So this answer surprised me.  I questioned her as to why Steve was her selection when he gets into trouble so often and maybe did she have a crush on him?  Emma said, "No crush, its just that Steve is funny, when he gets in trouble the teachers yell at him and it is funny to watch."  In the end, Steve does such quirky and outlandish things that the teachers get a little stumped.  Emma sees Steve as Jesus probably sees him,  someone who is funny and seeking something through his antics.  Emma is unaffected by his antics and enjoys watching them.  I had to appreciate it and realize that she does see him in a different light than most people in our community.  She sees him through a different set of glasses.  And in the end, doesn't Jesus see us through a different set of glasses?  Glasses protected by forgiveness and love.

James 5:7-9 says, "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming.  See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains.  You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near.  Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged."  Emma did not judge Steve as I would have.  I would have been found allowing his actions to bother my heart and mind, thinking through them in my head and truly, judging what was wrong with him.  She sees Steve as Jesus sees him; a garden that needs to be tended with love and patience.  God's intention is patience and that patience protects the peace that I so desperately crave.

By His Grace

Patience, Mommy, Patience

Patience...I am the last person that should be writing about patience and how we can teach it to our kids.  I am not the most patient person in any sense of the word.  I can feel situations when my whole spirit wants to rebel against patience.  So, for the last two weeks, knowing the topic of patience was coming after peace, I was so impatient with myself, I robbed my spirit of peace, knowing that I had nothing to say about patience.  Then my gracious, loving God taught me a lesson through my daughter.

Emma is a very physical child.  She wrestles with her brother and Daddy, she grabs her friends when they are being silly, she puts her hand on people's backs when they are walking, she puts her head on a shoulder when sitting on the couch and she is constantly invading my space!  I am not a touchy person and am pretty aware of my personal space.  In the last two weeks, Emma and I have gone numerous places together and when she is not walking in front of me cutting me off or bumping into me, she is holding my arm.  As we walk, I feel her slip her hand around my left arm and hook us together.  If I am being brutally honest, it often makes my skin crawl, however, I love her with my entire being.  I am so proud of her and my love for her is unconditional, unceasing and yes, long-suffering.  So, no matter how my physical body feels, I would never remove her arm from mine because I love her so much.  And God has showed me, that, is patience.  God so loved us that he (patiently) gave his only son.  (John 3:16a edited by me.)

Patience is a love action.  Remember those?  It is a decision in the moment to be patient in the situation even when you want to act in anger, frustration, judgment or disbelief.  1 Corinthians 13 defines what love is for us and the first 'love is' that is listed is 'love is patient..' (1 Corinthians 13:4)  We are called to show God's love to the world and to our children and enable our children to, in kind, show His love to their world.  We can do that first and foremost by reacting with patience.  This, I know firsthand, is not easy for all of us and may not be easy for our children.

Henri Nouwen wrote: "We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished."  This was more than helpful to me.  In John 15, Jesus provides us with the illustration of a vineyard and it's vines and branches.  "I am the vine; you are the branches."  (John 15:5)  If we are tuned into God we will be fruitful branches.  But there is forgiveness and patience from our God when we are not quite so fruitful.  Imagine how patient Jesus had to be to deal with all of us when he was on earth.  How patient does he have to be to deal with us know?  To continue to love, protect and speak to us when we are not quite as fruitful takes an amazing amount of patience, at least in my case it does.  But still, He, patiently, watches over us as a gardener.  Isaiah 27:2-3 says, "Sing about a fruitful vineyard:  I, the Lord, watch over it; I water it continually.  I guard it day and night so that no one may harm it."
A fruitful vineyard is a process.  Something that ebbs and flows, that is pruned and cut back and that ultimately, depending on the skill of the gardener, produces amazing fruit.  We, and our children, are fruitful works in progress.  Have patience, sit back and watch what the most amazing gardener will do with your kids, and you, if you let him.

When I spoke with Emma about the peace of being yoked with Jesus in the context of her angst around returning to school (remember the last two posts on peace?), her face revealed confusion.  I asked, "Doesn't it help to know that you are yoked and he will be with you wherever you go?"  She responded, "Not really."  Seriously?  My spirit rebelled against my patience level.  I was frustrated that she didn't get it.  Then, a week or so later, in a sweet moment, I asked her to explain being yoked to Cole.  She did, wonderfully, I might add.  Then I mentioned that she didn't really think it helped that much but that it was a good story.  And she said, "When you left, I thought about it, and it actually does help."

Patience, Mommy, you are a fruitful work in progress, as are your kids.  Give them to the Lord and he will be an amazing gardener.