The Challenge of Kindness

Love actions encompass all of the fruits of the spirit.  The fruits of the spirit give us detail on how to operate in love, how to change a less than love reaction (frustration, anger, judgment) into a love action (patience, kindness, goodness).  As believers we are called and challenged to love God, love other believers, and love the world.  In John 17 Jesus prays in this way and this defines our priorities as believers.

The first three fruits of the spirit relate to the first challenge which is to love God.  True unconditional love and being joyful in this life, living that life peacefully, and trusting him, shows our love for God.  We know he is in control, he has a plan.  When we truly consider his unconditional love then we naturally react in joy and peace because we know he is sovereign and already gave everything he had for us in his son.  But we live in the world.  That's where the other fruits start to come into play.

Last month we focused patience and how to teach that to our children and encourage them in that.  We found that I learned patience from my children most of the time.  We all struggle with certain things, mine happens to be patience.

The next two fruits of the spirit are kindness and goodness.  I recently had a conversation with a dear friend.  She had been praying for a specific thing to happen and she truly felt as if God wanted it for her.  When that thing did not come to fruition it was confusing to her, as it would be to anyone and has been to me in some situations in the past.  As I prayed and thought about it through the day I started to consider all the other people involved in any given situation.  For example, if your child does a sport consider all of the people your child comes alongside in the midst of that sport.  There are coaches, team moms, managers, other players, and all the same characters on the opposing team.  Now if every person involved in that sport loved God and took time to pray and seek his will in the sport before each game or practice then I believe the outcome in each case would be tremendously different.  As it is, some may pray, and depending on your circle it may be a larger percentage of people than not, but some may not pray or seek God's will and path.  Some will look for God in all things and strive to follow his path and directions, while many may not.  If everyone operated in the fruits of the spirit and a core motivation that grew from a love of God, other believers and the world we would be living in paradise, a perfect world.  But we don't and we cannot always rely on the actions of others.  We know that God intends the best for all who are called (Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."), but there are those who have not answered the call and we bump up against them and they are in our midst each and every day.

Cole is a pretty kind person and he likes it when everyone gets along and affirms each other.  He is comfortable in a place where everyone is working toward the same goal and in harmony, which is probably true of all of us.  When he was in first grade I was in the back of the class during a time when they were working on writing a little story.  The class had become very competitive and students were announcing their stories, talking over each other and basically one-upping each other verbally.  The teacher was getting increasingly frustrated and the noise level continued to rise with this group of kids telling each other how much better they were than everyone else.  Then, I see Cole drop his head into his hands, start crying and say, "I just can't think."

The sweet teacher went and comforted him but the problem was bigger.  His core was upset, everything that makes him comfortable and happy, joy, kindness, and respect had been challenged and was challenged each day as he went through that school year.  He was upset by the other kids behavior, but still found it hard to resist being a part of it at times.  He would come home upset about being in trouble or not finishing work, but would repeat the behavior the next day and once again would come home sad and upset.  My husband and I ultimately made the decision to put Cole in another school.   For him he needed to come alongside kids who were more similar to him in order for him to succeed academically.  It was a hard decision and a hard change but has turned out to be the thing that saved the core of who Cole is, who God created him to be.  For some of us the outside world affects us more than others.

For Cole and Emma, for that matter, it has been effective for us to say, "How would it feel if someone said that to you, or talked to you that way, or if you were the new student and had to stand by yourself."  In most cases this has motivated them to be kind, but they are also subject to what every child is and are constantly challenged to not meet aggression with aggression or anger with anger.

As we teach our children about kindness and goodness, we will be faced with the possibility that they have to provide kindness and goodness in some situations where it is not initiated or received by the other person. For Emma, when that happens, she is pretty good about shaking it off and not letting it affect her, if she noticed it at all.  For Cole it changes his countenance and hurts his heart.   He remembers it, at least for a little while.  But we are called to be kind.  We are called to treat others as we want to be treated.  In Matthew 7:12 it says, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

Kindness and love actions are not always easy.  There will be times when our kids react in ways that do not exhibit the fruits of the spirit, but the more they are able to rise above the pull of the world and its reactions and behaviors, the closer they are to God and his love for them.  If we can equip them to walk in his path and be unaffected by the behaviors and challenges of the world, they will be building a foundation for their lives that will last through the worst times of their lives. 
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."  Matthew 7:24-25

By His Grace