Look Me in the Eye

I have a dear friend who is a teacher.  She just had a job change and went from teaching second grade to middle school science.  It is a big jump for her but a challenging and exciting one.  What has struck her is that middle school kids are making their own choices.  The students choose whether to turn assignments in or not.  Therefore, she already has some kids that are failing just because they chose not to turn in their assignments.  Recently at back to school night she had her first interactions with the middle school parents.  As the parents came through, I am sure checking her out as the new teacher, she had discussions about curriculum, introductions to the students, and a variety of other topics.  I don't doubt that in the back of her mind she was aligning parents to the choices their children were making each day.  Toward the end of one group she had a sweet grandfather come up and said something that brought tears to her eyes.  He said, "Just remember to have Jacob look you in the eyes when you are speaking to him. He's my boy!"

Jacob is an autistic boy, so eye contact is challenging for him, but of all the concerns that grandfather could have discussed with his teacher, his top of mind concern was that Jacob be reminded to look his teacher in the eye.  And if I really think about it, looking people in the eyes is hard for all of us.  When was the last time you really looked someone in the eyes, intentionally?  My kids and I  have been practicing this as a way of showing kindness.  When we really look people on the eyes, mouth shut, focusing, it effects the person.  Consider the last time someone really looked in your eyes.  Didn't it change you a little bit?  Didn't it warm your heart and make you feel cherished in some way?  We move through life quickly, passing conversations, moving to the next topic, looking at our screen(s), looking anywhere but in people's eyes.

If we are to emulate Jesus' kindness and teach our children to do the same, the practice of looking people in the eyes is crucial.  Imagine Jesus.  Don't you think he looked directly into people's eyes?  He probably bore through their eyes into their soul.  And he took the time.  Remember the woman who believed she could be healed solely by touching the hem of Jesus' garment? 
"Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak.  She said to herself, 'If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.'  Jesus turned and saw her.  'Take heart, daughter,' he said, 'your faith has healed you.'"  Matthew 9:20-22
In the throngs of people around him, Jesus stopped, and saw her, looked her in the eyes and spoke to her.  Can you imagine that? Don't you think she felt something in his eyes?

Looking it people's eyes takes time, it takes focus, it takes intention, it takes compassion, and it shows extreme kindness.  We make choices each day and as my kids grow I am struck by the thought that I will continue to lose control over the choices they make and also become less knowledgeable about the choices they are making. In the near future they will have more autonomy and make decisions on their own.  In a world where they spend a good bit of time looking into a screen, I want them to develop the habit of taking the time to look people in the eye.  It will separate them from the world, define them as kind individuals.  It will cause them to feel more, to study people.  Just as Jesus did.  I believe he took time to look people in the eye, each and every time he interacted with them.  It is hard to be angry or frustrated with someone when you are looking them in the eyes.  You can see a lot when you truly focus on people's eyes.  And as a society we run the risk of losing this intense communication and insight.  If we practice looking others in the eyes, we practice kindness, we practice goodness, we practice showing ourselves and practice seeing others.

Our eyes truly are the windows to our soul.  You can see hurt, sadness, anger, joy, excitement and a myriad of other emotions.  What I want people to see in my eyes and my kid's eyes... is Jesus.

By His Grace