There are times and moments in our lives where the decisions and actions of others hurt us. When we feel left out or not included or alone, we tend to the human response of lashing out or letting our sadness be present for a time. And when it happens to a child of your own, it is an even stronger response than when it happens directly to you, at least it is for me. I had a couple events this last week that left me in a challenging place. My initial reaction to my feelings of exclusion was to lash out, but then I just found myself engulfed by sadness. If you are like me, when you or worse, your child, have something happen that makes then feel excluded, unaccepted or left out, then I start to analyze why someone would do something like that. Why would that person not include everyone? Or why would that person say those words? I come up with any number of scenarios about the other person and their motivation. You know what these thoughts and internal discussions about another person's motivation does for me? Absolutely nothing!
We cannot and do not know why others do what they do, but we (myself included for sure) try to determine the why and we begin to make up scenarios that really just end in our judgment of the other person. In our effort to be kind to the world we bump up against unkindness and our human reaction is to judge that unkindness. That judgment aligns us with the world and makes us one of them. Instead of us rising above, choosing a love action and following Jesus' example we become angry and frustrated and we let it infiltrate our mind and heart. In Matthew 14 we find a story where one of Jesus' friends and ministry partners, John the Baptist, is brutally murdered. This in itself is gruesome and sad, horrifying really, but what struck me was Jesus' reaction and subsequent actions."John's disciples came and took his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus. When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." Matthew 14:12-14
Now, let's be clear that I am not aligning my hurt over a couple minor exclusions with that of a death of a friend. I am, however, wonderfully encouraged by Jesus' example. A horribly unkind thing had happened, so don't you think when Jesus withdrew to a solitary place he wanted to be sad? To have the chance to mourn his dear friend? Maybe take a moment to be angry at the injustice of it all? He probably wanted to run scenarios as to why someone would kill his friend. But he didn't, really, do any of these things. He looks out and feels compassion for the crowds that had followed him. He did not wallow in the muck and mire, which we so often do, he moved forward to compassion for the world around him. He didn't go to Herod and lash out and recount all the things that Herod should have done and all the ways he could have exhibited kindness. He just carried on in compassion and kindness. I believe that for any small amount of solitary time he had on that boat, he was praying, probably for Herod. Amazing.
We truly don't know other's motivations and reasons for their behaviors. Only God knows that. In fact he knows them intimately. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says, 'But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."' When we are hit with what we see as unkindness and then we attempt to understand why things happen, wouldn't it help us to remember that only God knows and that it is only for him to know. Maybe if we remember that Jesus faced a horrible event of unkindness and instead of lashing out and being sad, he went and showed compassion, it would help move us out of our sadness and move forward on the path God has for us? Would that help us to move on and let go?Emma really has a remarkable ability to let things roll off her back. She does not try to understand why people do what they do but is able to move on and let go. Cole, just like his mother, sees the injustice of it all and carries the sadness for a while when he feels he has been treated unkindly. But what does that do for him, and me? Again, absolutely nothing. Well, actually, it does do something. If we run scenarios in our head, be sad and cry over the injustice of it all, it separates us from God. It puts us in a place where we cannot feel his love. We can make a choice to just move on and let go. We can respond with a love action. We can lean into God, feel his loving arms around us and find comfort in knowing that only he knows. Only he knows motivations and reasons. And only he loves us so much that he gave up his only son.
The truth is that we have all been unkind. I can think of my unkindness right off the top of my head. But we are also all, as believers, called to kindness. He actually selected us for that purpose, to show his love for the world through kindness, among the other fruits of the spirit. So I pray for my children and myself, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Philippians 3:12 I pray that my kids and I may press on through all situations to take hold of kindness and goodness, to show love to the world around us and to let go and move on.By His Grace
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